


Fireworks

by ijustwantacue



Category: GOT7
Genre: F/M, Idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 12:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14136360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustwantacue/pseuds/ijustwantacue
Summary: Your love with him is like fireworks, beautiful yet overwhelming for others.





	Fireworks

I'm used to people glancing at me then talking on hushed tones. Part of being an idol is being talked about, followed, and ogled at even if you don't want to. Just recently, a group of girls even threw eggs at me, screaming profanities and insults. I had to take a deep breath and let it go, or else worse will come to me. Grin and bear it, as they say. I chose this industry for myself anyway.

Now, though I'm used to strangers giving me looks, I feel awkward if it's from people I know or at least work with. I'm at a dressing room provided for different artists who will perform on an outdoor festival, to be held at a carnival. This is a big event so I expect to see a lot of people. What I didn't expect is almost all of them looking at me every five seconds. Even other artists and their staffs seem to be whispering about me.

"Excuse me," a woman says as she makes her way through the gossipers. I quickly read her ID lace; it says she's a staff of the festival. I'm the only one standing by the corner so it's safe to assume that she's going to me.

"Yes?" I ask when she stops in front of me. All eyes are on us. She knows this so she leans closer.

"Someone's looking for you outside. The others recognised him already so it will be best to talk to him right now."

Of course I know right away who she is talking about. Who else would be crazy enough to come here after we were asked not to see each other for the meantime? I look up at the curious people around me, and good thing they have the decency to avert their eyes.

"Where is he?" I ask the woman indifferently. I don't want these people commenting about how ignorant I am to still sound like a lovesick girl at this situation.

"Just go out. You'll spot him easily."

I sigh. That idiot. "Okay, thank you."

Without much thought, I make my way out of the room, eyes following my every step.

* * *

I want to laugh. Did he really think the cap and hoodie will hide his identity? I don't know if it's just me but the mere built of his body gives off who he really is. His casual clothes and laid-back posture spells out his name. If someone sees his face, they will no doubt recognise him. His bare face isn't that much different from how he looks like on-screen.

He senses that someone is approaching so he looks up. I almost stop mid-step when I see his face light up upon seeing me. Maybe I shouldn't have come out...

"Baby—"

"What are you doing here, Jaebum?" I quickly ask when he moves to close our gap. He hesitates for a moment but eventually hugs me anyway. I just let him, barely tapping his back once to acknowledge. I don't even try to breathe, afraid that his scent will suffocate me and jumble my thoughts.

"You weren't replying on my texts. I was worried," he says before putting me on arms length so he can see me properly. I know he will like my outfit because it covers most of my skin. See? He gives me an approving look. "You look beautiful."

Funny, I've always been called beautiful, pretty, or whatever adjectives that are supposed to flatter a woman. But he... He never fails to make me feel that I really am beautiful. I'm thankful that the centre of the carnival is a little far from here so the lights are quite dim. He won't be able to see my eyes getting glassy.

I give him a nod of thanks. I never know how to answer his sincere compliments. Usually, I'd make a sarcastic remark but the situation isn't to be joked about. "I was busy. How did you know I'm here?"

From my shoulders, his hands go down to my hands. He rubs them, knowing that the night breeze makes me get cold easily, even though I'm already wearing a long-sleeves coat on top of my turtleneck dress. "My members are here too, actually. Bambam said he saw you earlier so I figured I'll go here to support them and see you too."

That makes my heart ache a little. He should be here performing with them but he's forced to just watch from afar because of me. I can't imagine how sad he feels.

"Well... you should go find them then. I'm sure they miss you," I say, slowly pulling my hand away from his.

"It's alright. I talk to them all the time anyway," he reaches out again, now he's caressing my cheek gently. It's a very intimate move from him because we rarely get touchy, never in a public place. I guess he really misses me. He gets clingy when he does. "Have you eaten?"

"Yes," I quickly answer. It's a lie. I've been having trouble eating these past few days. But that's alright. I have to go on a diet soon anyway. I read comments saying that I look bloated and therefore not suitable for Jaebum.

"Well, I haven't eaten yet so let's find a place to eat? I know you won't reject food," he tries to tease. It's been our little hobby to try out restaurants together. We already have each other's taste memorised.

I guess this is the first time I'm rejecting then. "We're just going to talk, Jaebum, not eat or anything else. People can't see us together."

He drops his hand but remain firm in convincing me. "They won't recognise me."

"Oh, you mean the cap and the hoodie?" I try not to sound that I'm teasing him too. He's such an idiot sometimes. "What about me and my clothes then? If they recognise me, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that you're the one with me."

He sighs. His patience has improved throughout our relationship. That's the only good thing my stubbornness was able to bring out. "Fine, fine. I guess we can just walk around then. But..." he looks down to my fisted hand, "can I at least hold your hand?"

"Jaebum—"

"Just... let me hold you for a while," he says, almost pleads. I've never seen him ask for something this desperately. Jaebum is the type to do his best to get what he wants. He never had to beg because his hardwork pays off all the time. And we never held hands while walking before. We never even walked together outside before.

I give him a nod since I can't bring myself to say that it's what I want too. Holding hands is one of my favourite things because it is both affectionate and blasé. Just like him.

* * *

Hand in hand, we walk around the carnival. We've never dated on amusement parks because there are too many people and we can't risk getting caught. We can't disguise too because how can we enjoy if we pretend to be somebody else? That's why our dates were usually on small coffee shops, new restaurants or at home.

"Let's stay here for a while. The view is great," he says when we get to the railings separating the carnival from the sea nearby.

I pull my hand away so I can lean forward to the railings. The sea is right before me, sending cold breeze, yet I can't see it properly because it mirrors the darkness of the sky.

"Don't you feel cold?" Jaebum asks, leaning his back on the railings yet managing to look at me.

"I'm fine," I don't look at him.

"What are you performing later? Promise Me?" He probably thought so because of my outfit.

"No. That's too sad for a festival. I'll perform Gone." Promise me is a soft ballad while Gone is upbeat.

"Really? Who's with you?"

"Brian."

"I see," he nods. He's not really the jealous type but he said he needs to know who will be with me in the performance so he can understand the gestures. I think it means that he will check if there's something to be jealous about if the guy is being overly familiar to me. Good thing Brian of DAY6 is both close to us.

The ringing of my phone breaks the silence. I quickly take it out of my pocket because I can't stand to hear Prove It at this moment. It's my favourite song that's why it's my ringtone, but it bears too much meaning at our situation right now.

"Hello?"

_"Where are you? Someone said you're with Jaebum!"_

I take a deep breath. Jaebum gives me a worried look but that won't help now, can it? My manager has been adamant on telling me to stay away from Jaebum. "I am. We're by the seaside."

_"Weren't you told not to see each other for the meantime? Do you want his fangirls to attack you on the street again? You can't wear short skirts until the bruise on your leg heals! How are you going to perform?"_

"Wearing gown or pants, I guess."

_"This isn't time for your retorts. Hand the phone to him."_

"Why?" my forehead creases.

_"Maybe if he knows what's happening to you, he'll finally let you go."_

Yes, I'm trying to stay away from him but that doesn't mean that I don't care about him anymore. If anything, it's because I don't him to suffer. If he finds out that I'm being attacked, not just on social media but even in person, he'll get very worried. I know him. He's pretty impulsive. I don't want people bashing him for siding me and neglecting his fans. I don't want to ruin him.

"You don't have to. I'll come back right now," I say before ending the call.

"What is it? Do you have to go?" Jaebum asks right away.

"The program is starting so I need to prepare," I half-lie. The program is starting but I'll perform at the end anyway so I don't have to go now.

"Okay. Let's go back then," he reaches out to hold my hand.

I quickly take a step away. "I... I think I should go alone."

"I'll just walk you back, don't worry. I'll leave right away."

"I can handle myself."

"I know," he smiles sadly. "But I still want to be with you."

I close my eyes to calm myself. "Jaebum, don't make this any harder please."

"What? I just want to walk you. No one will see us," he says innocently.

I want to laugh. God, he's impossible. "Everyone already knows. I won't be surprised if Dispatch already have hundreds of pictures of us or if they are still somewhere here taking this moment."

"Then just let them be. Let's just make the most of our time."

"No, Jaebum," I try not to pull my hair out of frustration. "You shouldn't have come here. You should've just stayed away like what they told us to do."

"But I miss you."

I scoff. "That doesn't mean you can just come here and ruin everything. Do you think I'm happy with this setup?"

"I know you're not, that's why I came here to check on you."

"And you shouldn't have. You should've just waited until they tell us that we can see each other again. You'll be reprimanded again because of what you've done. You're prolonging this and I can't be happy knowing that you're suffering."

"I can suffer knowing that you'll be happy."

"And that's not how things should be. It shouldn't be this toxic. You can't keep on doing this. I bet your Instagram will be full of death threats—"

"I deleted it."

How can he say that nonchalantly? "See? You're being forced to remove things that you enjoy because of me. What if they extend your suspension for the next comeback?"

"Then screw it. If I can't be with you because we're idols, then I quit."

"What?! You can't just quit! You worked hard for this!"

"And now it's making things hard for you and me."

"How can you say that?! This isn't even you anymore!"

"That's because I love you so much, I changed my whole being for you. How can you call this toxic when I can be happy just by holding your hand? If I can endure not going to the stage, knowing that you'll at least have your spotlight? If I suddenly have so many beautiful song ideas because of this? I'm sorry if I'm not the same career-oriented guy you met years ago. That guy didn't know how it feels to be in love with you. He didn't know that there's much more to life than his career, that his fame might fade but his love won't ever."

I can only shake my head. He just doesn't get it. Yes, some love are everlasting but as he said, his career isn't. So he should prioritise the one which can disappear very soon. "You know what? You're crazy. Go home for now and clear your mind. I can't talk to you when you're blinded by your feelings."

"Feelings? I don't have feelings for you," he follows it with a mocking laugh.

He doesn't have feeling for me but just a second ago, he said he loves me. Right. They say if you keep on telling yourself a lie, you will eventually believe it. But I have to admit, hearing that makes my heart ache a little.

"Great! That's a good start," I force a smile.

"I love you. That's not something that fades away as easy as feelings. I am in love with you, enough to be able to let go of anything if I get to keep you. Don't ever call that as mere feelings."

A wave of emotions overwhelms me. Jaebum is made of galaxies and poetries. I've never been able to fathom his thoughts. He can say such beautiful and tragic things yet he can't understand this simple situation at all. "Jaebum—"

"We can't be together? You know that's bullshit."

"Watch your mouth," I instinctively say. I got used to snapping at him for cussing.

I don't know how he can manage to smirk at this situation. "See? I am a part of you as you are a part of me. It'll be hard to go back from how things were before we met, don't you think? We can't pass by each other and simply ignore the fact that we spent nights completing one another. Is that what you want?"

"No," I quickly answer.

"Then how you can give up like this? I just don't understand. Don't you dare lie and say that you don't love me anymore."

I quickly turn my back on him. "Enough."

"You can't say it, right? I know you, Baby. You're stubborn and a little bit of a coward but you're never a liar. Not to me. Not to anyone."

"I have to go."

"No, you don't," I feel him hold my arm.

"The fireworks will be starting, Jaebum. I have to go somewhere else," I reason. The fireworks is the sign of the start of the program.

"No. If the fireworks will be starting, then you shouldn't go anywhere. You should stay with me. Where you know you'll be safe."

It had always been like that. I'm scared of fireworks, of loud noises in general. Whenever there are programs with fireworks, Jaebum will make sure that I'm wearing earphones or in a room where I'll only hear the muffled blasts. And he'll make sure that he's beside me, telling me that I'll be alright.

I hear the familiar whistle. I instinctively try to crouch and cover my ears but before I can, Jaebum already has his hands on either side of my head. He pulls me close to his chest as I see the fireworks go off.

It's beautiful. I may not be a fan of the sound, but I love the way fireworks colour up the sky. It's a short-lived beauty meant to be appreciated.

Mesmerised, I don't even notice that Jaebum doesn't have his hands over my ears anymore. He's already wrapping me with his arms. I can feel his face just beside mine as he rests it by my shoulder.

The fireworks are loud but my heartbeat is louder. And Jaebum's words are impossible not to listen to.

"Even though you turned your back on me, even though I know you'll walk away once I let you go, I'll still be here. I'll still remember every little thing about you. I'll still make sure that you're okay. And above all, I'll still love you. I will never stop. So for the last time, baby, just face me and say that you love me too. That you love me still. If it's really the end, just give it to me as a present. But if it's not, then it will serve as my strength."

Our love is like the stunning fireworks filling the sky on this dark night. We started with a spark, with a glance that lasted too long for a mere first meeting. We travelled far from where people can reach us to avoid hurting them, sneaking out on late nights and only having dates when and where we're sure we won't be seen and fans won't cry when they read the news the next morning. Then the inevitable came and though it should be colourful and vibrant, as something beautiful has been formed, there are others who get scared of how loud it was. I understand because I, too, am scared of fireworks. They are no doubt beautiful but they come unexpectedly and overwhelmingly, that my first instinct is to cover my ears and close my eyes. Maybe that's why people are playing deaf and blind towards our explanations.

But there will come a time when the whelm fades and people finally accepts that something this wonderful is meant to be appreciated and not feared of, right?

With that in mind, I face him and say the words.


End file.
